Deep Sorrow

How does one cope with death? It’s something that’s always at the back of our minds. We often hear people saying, “it’s reality,” “that’s life,” “we all end up there,” “she’s in a happier place,” and a lot more, but that’s easier said than done, as they say.

Recently, I have to cope with the passing away of a very dear friend. One whom I can consider a sister, an extended family. She has always been there for as long as I can remember. Her sister is my childhood friend. Her brother is a childhood friend of my brother. Our families are extensions of each other. In our growing up years, And till her last breath, we have always been there for each other. How can our neighborhood be the same without her? Going home to my hometown will never be the same again.

A dear friend at the office also had to cope with the passing away of her father. It saddened me deeply since I also lost my father 24 summers ago. I grieved for years.

Maybe one doesn’t really end up grieving. The pain only eases up with time. Time is a healer. In the end, we all need to cope with our sorrows. Sad as it may sound but life has to go on. One can never be assured if life will ever be the same again. It will depend on how you cope with adversities that life throw at you. Sometimes, it’s best to catch it, be hit, and deal with it. There are also times when you need to avoid it.

Life must go on.

 

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Melancholic Letters to Heaven II

January 22, 2018

Dear Babe,

I can still call you that, right?

I know I have been remiss in my graveyard visits, but you know me. I’m just not that kind of person. It doesn’t mean I have forgotten you. I don’t need to be physically there for me to show I still care. I still do. It’s just a different kind of feeling. It’s still love but on a different gravity. You will always be a part of me, of my life; but I have to move on for there’s no point dwelling in something that can never be turned back.

You are one of my most cherished chapters in my life. A chapter that I can read back, smile, be angry, but never one of regret.

Yes, there were times when I almost gave up, but I’m a fighter. Perhaps, it was pride that prevailed during that time when I fought back, because I could never take it in me that you could do it right under my nose without feeling any guilt at all.

As they say, “All’s well that ends well”, and all I can say is, you’ve lived a good life (perhaps, too much of it), and I’m happy that in some ways I was part of it.

“Why do we do this?”

Requesting permission to use your IG caption.

Your captions caught the closet artist in me. Never did it cross my mind you have it in you. You somehow found poetry in a physically and mentally demanding sport. Not to mention, grubby environment.

The sad thing is, I can never be candid about it, lest you would know. Instead, I’ll find solace in my own little corner, browsing from one portrait to another.

Yet, I ask myself one more time, “Why do we do this?” Or more like, why do I do this? Am I driving myself deeper into a pit that someday I may not be able to come through? Why am I exposing myself to something that is inexplicit? Should I content myself to something that is within my control? But if I do, would it still be as exhilarating as it is now?

Human as we are, we will always be enticed by the beauty of that which is unknown to us.

Voices in my Head

I wouldn’t have preferred it here but just couldn’t let my free intoxicant go to waste. So, here I am getting intoxicated  in a corner amidst the bustling coffee shop.

The hustle and bustle is nothing compared to the buzzing voices in my head. It’s deafening; it’s multitasking! Telling me a lot of things, including you.

You have invaded even my remotest thoughts. I feel intoxicated by just the mere thought of you. My day starts and ends with you on my mind.

What have you done?

DANCING IN THE RAIN

Why do I have to be unprepared every time we meet?

Prepared or otherwise, still, seeing you tonight put a big smile on my face. I felt like dancing in the rain with music that only you can hear.

You made me dance like there’s a tune.

You made me laugh like there’s something funny.

I couldn’t help but grin all night long for I can still vividly recall that smile you gave. The small talk we had.

Why, oh why?

FREEDOM

What is freedom to you?

Freedom can mean a lot of things. It depends on what emotional state you are in. It could also work both ways, the positive and the negative.

Freedom gives you that feeling of being liberated from something that’s been holding back your wings. I felt this when someone dear passed away. I was hurting for months but then realization came when I was able to gather myself and faced reality.

It dawned on me that maybe he came into my life for a reason. He was not meant to be a lifetime fixture. When all emotions have risen to the ground and lifted up, then I felt freedom. Finally, I can do things which have been holding me back. Things I weren’t able to do in respect to his current state that time.

Now, I got my groove back. I’m finally living my life the way I wanted it to be.

Sunday Madness

Here I am drinking my Pedro and writing my emotions away.

The silence is deafening. All I hear is the whirring sound of the fan and clicking of the keys. It’s deafening because my mind is full of voices I don’t even hear.

That’s Sunday evening for me. Daytime is different because of the deafening joy I feel when surrounded by those close to home, enjoying everything that life has to offer.